How I Spent My Bangin Summer
Ah summer…
Texas summer specifically. It actually wasn’t that bad until this week. We had rain nearly every week for the last three months. Now in the latter half of August we’re getting temps in the hundreds. Such is life. At least the humidity is low. I can only sweat so much.
This is the summertime potpourri. A special place where I can talk about the silly little things I did over the last few months. It’s low effort and fun to make, just like popcorn at 3 in the morning.
FILM
There honestly wasn’t a whole lot to do this summer with the rain and all. Usually I try to get some outdoorsy stuff checked off, but after postponing beach day with friends for the third time we all decided to just see movies this summer instead. Twisters was fun, Deadpool and Wolverine were about as entertaining as they could be, but my favorite film this season had to be Alien Romulus. Let me be clear. I understand that this film can be a little key-jingly.
“Remember facehuggers? Remember the black goo from Prometheus? Remember the Nostromo?”
Yeah I remember. It all owns. Sue me.
MUSIC
I don’t need to tell you that this year was in fact, a brat summer. I had that album blaring for weeks. On top of Chali’s newest we have Childish Gambino’s “Bando Stone and the New World” (shown above) and JPEGMAFIA’s “I LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU.”
While everyone was fucking up the G in the HOT TO GO dance I delved deep into the crevices of my past listens to revisit some past bangers. Phoenix, SOPHIE, Plumtree, Mitski, etc. You know, hot girl music.
BOOKS
I’m a bit of a slow reader. I mostly reserve reading time for before bed, so I get maybe ten or so pages in before I pass out. “Blood, Sweat, and Pixels” is a series of short reports on the tumultuous development of games across the last decade and a half. It’s great stuff. Really opens people up to the industry and it’s cold tendrils. The cutoff on games is right at about 2016 so this is before conversations started gaining traction regarding crunching and it’s consequences. Can’t wait for his new book in October.
MISC
Right at the beginning of June, I woke up to silence and sweat.
My Air Conditioner died.
For a solid week Bino and I were thuggin it out in the south Texas heat. I actually didn’t mind it that much. I had a box fan pointed towards us and the heat helped my joints out. The only real issue was that I had to stay hydrated which meant drinking way more water and electrolytes than usual. I mean I already drink a lot of water, but this was getting ridiculous.
GAMES
Hiromi Tamachi is just one of the many girls who you can court in Elf’s dating sim classic “Dokyusei: Bangin Summer.” She’s young, loves to work hard at the office, and enjoys having fun with the protagonist in said office after hours.
There’s no easy way to say this. You fuck these girls.
Towards the end of June I made it my mission to get into the pants of one of these girls. I had just one rule. Students were off the table. I know I’m a student myself in the game but come on man. I’m 31 years old.
I had a large selection of adult women to rizz up however, and after a few hours of sampling the platter so to speak I decided that Hiromi and I were gonna make sweet, sweet love in her cubicle. The whole time I’m clicking away I thought to myself
“I wish I could concentrate on talking to these pretty ladies…”
That’s because I made the wise decision to stream the game for my friends on discord, where their cheers and jokes made my playthrough of Tamachi’s route feel less like a visual novel and more like an interactive porn film. The ooohs and ahhhs came to a roar when I finally managed to get her pants off, and after the deed was done the dialog that followed had me and the boys feeling some kind of way. I won’t spoil it but you need to understand that this game is way more than the sex scenes. In fact they’re not even included in the steam release! You need to download a free patch from the publisher’s website in order to see these girls whip their tits out.
While it was nice bonding over porn games with new and old friends, I don’t think I’ll be the gooner of anyone’s dreams. It was all in good fun. I mostly enjoyed Dokyusei for the historical value, much in the same way people read Playboy for the articles. It may not have been the first hentai game on the market but it certainly was the most popular, and it’s various systems inspired many others to make their own eroge. Who knows? Maybe the Dokysei to Fate Stay Night pipeline is real…
-PA
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